The Four Levels of Witnessing: Pt. 2 - Significant Others

Aspects of relationship dynamics with our parents, guardians, close siblings and significant others are often very synchronistic. We often unconsciously find ourselves in relationships with people who, as we get to know them on a deeper level, have many similar traits with one or more of our influential caretakers. This is a phenomenon that has been fascinating psychologists for years, historically notably to Freud’s contributions to psychology. These relationships are our closest and most intimate social relationships and because of the deep intermingling of our energies, we will always witness each other's true selves sooner or later.

We can’t fake our way through decades of close friendship, a marriage, years nor years of raising a child. This is a deep level of connection that naturally comes with the opportunity for illuminating visible reflections of our own personality, behavioral patterns, biases, and aspects of our character. Projections of the self towards the other in the relationship are also illuminated, as often our caretakers, siblings, and significant others project their fears onto us as we do to them.

These deep relationships affect and shape each other’s perspective on what they Love and value as well as shared fears in a symbiotic manner. This can be seen especially in regard to the parent-to-child relationship dynamic, as we shape our children's basic understanding of reality, they mainly reflect characteristics of ourselves back to us.

We are often one and the same with our romantic partners, we share a living space, we share an energetic connection. What happens to us, happens to them. When we give and receive Love to ourselves, in turn, we are loving them. Just as we need to identify our needs in ourselves, we need to be able to identify the needs of our significant others. It's not always easy to identify our own needs as well as for our significant others.

Creating moments in time where you ask your partner what they may need from you opens the door to allow them to have an opportunity to observe themselves, identify what they may need, and let you know. 

Excerpt from, “Love Over Fear: A Foundation for Autonomy”